Families and Technology

As a dad, I find myself wondering what all of this technology, we have been discussing the past couple of days, is doing to my family.

I am not alone.  I cannot begin to tell you how many people have asked me for advice on how to get their kids off of their phone or video game long enough to eat dinner.

These days, a family meal in a restaurant is not complete without phones all around the table and young thumbs sending out twaddle to friends.  Date nights usually involve an interruption or two from something work related, the husband with a device glued to his head (this happens to women too).

Enough already!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When communication technology begins to break down communication, there is clearly a problem.

What is a family to do?

I say, set some boundaries.  Perhaps some of the following thoughts might be helpful?

  1. Turn off the phones during meal time.  If you are having dinner with someone, then have dinner with them.  Forget whoever is calling.  If you need to talk to someone else, invite them to join you for dinner.
  2. Leave your phone at home or in the car when possible.  You say, “It is not possible.”  Are you forgetting something?  If you are over thirty, you spent at least half of your life without access to a mobile phone.  You survived.
  3. Limit your kids number of texts.  I meet kids all the time who are distracted and unfocused.  Is it any wonder, considering they are allowed to check-out every time their hand goes off with an incoming lol.  I’m guessing you pay the bill.  That is called leverage where I come from.
  4. No TV’s or computers in the bedrooms.  My wife and I decided when we first got married to never have a TV in our bedroom.  That has been a great decision for us.  You might make a different choice.  The point is not where you have your technology located in your home.  The point is are you willing to set some limits and boundaries on its use.
  5. No calls or texts after 9:00 PM.  There is a reason your phone has an off button.  Use it.
  6. Have a central location for charging devices and require them to be “turned in” each night at a certain time.  No one needs to have phone rays being emitted from their night stand.  If you leave your kids technology use unsupervised, don’t be surprised when they end up in trouble.
  7. Keep computers in a high traffic area and filter the content.  Pornography will blow up your family and lead to an addiction.  High character leaders set up safe guards to protect their integrity.
  8. Talk to each other.  “What was the highlight of your day?” is one of my favorite questions.  Ask it and then sit back and listen.  Please don’t allow your kid to text the answer across the table!

This list is not comprehensive and not everything on my list is right for your family.  Spend some time thinking through your context and what kind of family you want to have and then agree upon a plan to get you there.  That is called leadership.  Remember?

A better, more connected, family is possible, but only if you create a healthy environment that fosters communication.

I don’t pretend to be some family expert, but I was raised in a good home.  We didn’t have any cells, had limits on our television viewing, and had no answering machine.  But somehow I never felt like we were disconnected from anything.  In fact, it appeared to me we always had plenty of friends.  We even knew our neighbors.  Those are the people who live next door to you.

I do remember many family dinners when the phone would ring and ring in the background, while our conversation and laughter would drown it out.

“Should someone answer that?” one of us kids would ask.  “Probably some telemarketer.” my mom would say.

I didn’t know what a telemarketer was, but I felt sorry for anyone who had to miss dinner because they were making phone calls.

I still do.





What other boundaries would you add to my list?

Leave a comment

David Parfitt

10 years ago

As parents we must take a great deal of the responsibility for “communication” with our children. When, in passing, we ask our kids “How was your day” we should expect the same old answer of “ok”.
Conversation best occurs when the environment supports it. Take the time to stop moving, look each other in the eye and ask questions that actually require thought and a descriptive answer.
I have also reminded my children that a conversation is like a ping pong game. In ping pong we hit the ball back and forth, in conversation the “ball” becomes questions. Remember to not only answer a question but to ask one as well. It is amazing what can happen when both parties are engaged in both answering and asking questions.
Love your list Randy and your heart for fighting for the heart and minds of our families


10 years ago

Thanks David. Can’t wait to teach the “Ping Pong” idea to my kids!


10 years ago

I refuse to get my kids a cellphone. To be honest they do not need one. A child of 7 or 8 doesn’t need one. TV in our house is limited to several hours a week. It varies but most weeks the most TV the younger kids watch is about 2-4. The older two get a few more hours, usually no more than 1 to 1.5 a night 3-4 nights a week. We have only one TV but no cable. The suggestions you give us are a great way to start. Thanks for the blog…


10 years ago

Thanks Jason!

Scott Humphrey

10 years ago

I probably could do a better job of controlling the TV with my kids, but one thing I do that helps is, I require them to do push ups or sit ups or read their bible every time their is a commercial. It is amazing the progress you can make in your life during commercial breaks!


10 years ago

Great ideas Scott!

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